woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
