did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize