I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
