I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize