You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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