Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
