I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
