Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
