Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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