I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
