i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
