Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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