I'm eating all of the evidence.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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