Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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