Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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