Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
