I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
