I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We named our party play list daddy issues
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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