I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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