it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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