Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
