I smell stomach acid.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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