we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
