Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
