Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
