Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
