is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
