Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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