What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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