community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
