I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
