she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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