Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
