you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
