Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
