I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
