does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize