i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
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He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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