Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize