Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
