and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
