I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're like the curious george of whores
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
