well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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