i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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