So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
