the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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