just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
