The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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