if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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