Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
How does it feel to date your dad?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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