Need sex. Gaining weight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
