Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
