; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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