My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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