My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
