dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
