so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
