I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
