went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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