He asked to "fluff my boner.."
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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